Tuesday, July 31, 2007

no.2 best seller (or I see the cars lined up on the highway. I see cellophane stretched out to the moon.)

This sandwich will be built upside down.

Grab the top half of a split roll. Tear out a small handfull. In the hole you just created place cole slaw. Take a handfull of half cooked french fries and place them on top of the cole slaw/roll top. Don't be shy.
On that goes a moderate amount of mayo and French's mustard. (any other mustard is for pretentious fools). Then add lettuce and tomato. One hard shake of paprika. Then cylinder roll spiced ham, capicola and prosciutto and place onto sandwich. In leu of these ingredients use your best ham, salami and bologna (or your imagination). If you need to resort to these alternate ingredients, hum "This Land is Your Land" by Woody Guthrie. Trust me on that one . . .and this one. Finish by cupping your hands over some heat source, any will do. Once you've captured the heat, (avoid burning yourself of course) quickly dump the heat on top of the sandwich and immediately place the bottom of the bun on top of that. Set things up before hand so this can be done as quickly as possible. Place foil over sandwich and FLIP! Flick a small amount of water onto the sides of the sandwich and wrap with the foil. Allow to sit for 1-2 minutes and serve with a dill pickle and potato chips.

Heavy like Mount Kailash.

The Sandwich we can only Hope for. (or What can You create on such short notice?)

So here it is. A pure stroke of genius.

Toasted multigrain bread
- pesto
- relish
- horseradish
- sweet peppers
- banana peppers
- chip sliced pickles
- bacon
- 1 slice of pepperjack cheese
- 5 slices of corned beef

Assemble any way you feel like, because you really can't go wrong with this one. The proper construction, however, is to place the cheese in the center, surround it with corned beef, place the bacon on top of that and place the other ingredients around that. I have no idea where to sneak in the pesto. It's a trade secret.


Heavy like Mount Kailash.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

How should I say?

He's lucky we weren't living in New Orleans.

Let's Impeach the president for . . . .

A smile . . .& a recipe . . . (or The Existential Sandwich)

relives a heart that grieves. remember what I've said. (mick jagger)

BRILLIANT! Best sandwich ever! PBL&T! Peanutbutter, bacon, lettuce and tomato on white tOAST! (sorry caps lock left on) Masterfully put together by a friend/coworker of mine appropriately named Hope. BRILLIANT!

These clowns at subway talk in their ads about sandwich artists. Like art makes sense, or is useful. Fuckers.

(not the PBL&T) Recipe:
Take four slices of white bread, toss them in the trash. Now find a bakery that sells "army bread" , , ,good luck, I've yet to find one that still does in Scranton. Fish the four slices of white bread out of the trash and substitute them for the army bread. If you haven't already, turn on the Sabbath. or the Ramones. or the Durans. Melt a stick of butter and drizzled over the other 2 slices of bread. Dice lettuce, tomato, cilantro, and rosemary and spread over the melted butter. Before you take a much needed break, fill in the blanks with what you'd like to see in the sandwich. You'll be eating it, right?

Now change bread.


This sandwich will at all costs be crunchy. The inner part of each slice will be lined with rippled potato chips. Toss the lettuce tomato etc. concoction in the trash. Take the remaining bread and whatever else is left and put it in your pocket. Pour milk in your pocket. Put a spoon in your back pocket. Cup your left hand and pour orange juice in it and head for the front door. Crumple newspaper and put it in your pocket. Walk away from your house with no money and don't come back until you've eaten and drunk everything in your possession, including the newspaper. Now wait 28 hours and drink only hose water you steal from your neighbors. Once you're home lay down in the front yard with your eyes closed until the neighbors call the cops.

you know i'm right.

(legal footnote, it's your front yard, you can do what ever you damn well please. notify your lawyer before making the sandwich though. pigs will be pigs, right?)

Heavy like Mount Kailash.