Sunday, December 16, 2007

I thought the handles seemed small

or Is choosing a brush the same as choosing a President?

I bought a paint brush made by Z¡bra have been using it for the past week. Usually I like Wooster brushes, Allpro's are ok and everything else is prety much garbage. This Z¡bra however has REALLY smooth bristles and loads like crazy. I can't seem to get a decent grip on the thing though and I just found out why. Apparently this company was founded by women, to design products for women. Maybe I'm overthinking things but whenever I think about voting for Hillary I get the same feeling as when I pick up a Z¡bra brush. It works well and performs like I want it too but just feels funny. This is that stupid, "I want to vote for I candidate I'd like to have a beer with." idea that led the suckers to vote for W. Twice. (hurts to write that)

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Presently, I've been thinking about the future as a means of improving my past.

or (a preemtive strike against the oncoming tide of new year's resolutions.)

a recap from last year . . .Friday, January 5, 2007 . . . including progress updates.

New Year's Resolutions
Topic: Resolutions

I figure if I post these online I'll be more likely to stick to them. I'm open to suggestions anyone might have. I'll post my progress monthly.

• finish all the projects already started. FAILED

• focus on one new project at a time then finish it before starting another. FAILED

• heavily promote myself and the art. FAILED

• line up a gallery show for the fall. FAILED

• finish at least 2 paintings a month. FAILED

• improve diet. FAILED

• exercise 5 times a week. FAILED

• drop 30 lbs to go from a 27.9 bmi to 23.7, or 200 to 170 lbs. FAILED

• start a career already. FAILED

• pay down debt. SUCCEEDED

• Assess retirement savings and adjust accordingly. SUCCEEDED

• More Sabbath . . . and LOUDER. SUCCEEDED

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda. FAILED

As you can see I have a lot of work to do. I'll make more progress this year if I can be more honest with myself and stick to the bloody plan already. I'm already feeling better about the whole thing. Right. Let's get started.

Friday, November 9, 2007


"Way out in the water, see it swimming." (frank black, "where is my mind")

Maybe the story of this year is one of a lack of focus.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Elvis sleeps well tonight (or, if a flea jumps halfway to the wall, over and over, does he ever reach it?)

6 days in Vegas. I went out for a wedding last week and stayed at the Monte Carlo. I still have no idea what to think of Vegas. I was extremely let down in some ways and equally overwhelmed in others. Two things are for sure, 1. I'll go back, 2. I'll bring my stuffed Tigger with me (and more money).

So Elvis was a hero to most, but that's beside the point. Elvis is not impersonated by Elvis impersonators. Elvis impersonators impersonate other Elvis impersonators. It's like when you make a copy of a copy of a copy. Eventually the subtle degradation adds up and corrupts the image. Elvis was probably the greatest Elvis impersonator of all time. He kept up the facade for quite a while before the stress finally got to him.

If Elvis impersonators impersonate Elvis impersonators and Elvis really only ever impersonated himself, then did "Elvis" ever really exist? Maybe "Elvis" only really ever existed in the mind of a 10 year old Elvis. Maybe the best way to impersonate Elvis is to impersonate a 10 year old Elvis imagining he's really Elvis. Bill Clinton is the greatest living Elvis impersonator. Elvis is the all time greatest Elvis impersonator.

Chips impersonate money. Dealers impersonate your friends. The pit bosses do a great job of impersonating your 4th grade English teacher during an exam and look very silly doing it. Casino waitresses impersonate real waitresses. Casinos impersonate Disney World (badly) and Disney World does a great job of impersonating a casino. (the following are hotel/casinos in vegas) "The Venetian" impersonates a Target store in Venice. "Paris" impersonates Disney's "Lady and the Tramp" movie-on acid. "New York, New York" impersonates a big headache, and does so quite well I might add. The lobby of the "Bellagio" impersonates Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I met a little person there and almost asked him to sing the Umpa Lumpa song. Sidewalks in Vegas impersonate real sidewalks, however they're neither on the "side" nor are they suitable for walking. The ceilings in most of the new buildings impersonate the sky quite well.

The only real thing in all of Vegas is McDonalds. The McDonalds in Vegas is impersonated by every other McDonalds in the world.

Monday, October 8, 2007

what did you say?

Here's to busting eardrums. More to come. . .

Monday, October 1, 2007


Once now, no twice forever always. No not now, but twice tomorrow never.
Take this, turn, walk, then turn no more.
I lie awake you lie there sleeping.
We sleep awake and we both lie.

Dollar bills stare, yes all money scary.

Once now, next twice forever never.
Still faces stare but still faces never lie.
Walking down stairs next walking through stares.
Lies in wait are what lie in wait for us.

So lie in wait you lies that wait, she's (M) my best friend.

Friday, September 28, 2007

maybe a day

Too lazy lately to write anything. I'd say too tired, because I have been busy but I've had the energy to do other things so I'll just stick with lazy. Deep yawns as I write this.

I've been trying for some time to collaborate on music over the net with no avail. I've taken on another project. Still no luck. It took an hour . . .maybe a day.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

If you hate something . . .

. . . don't you do it too?

Saying he was "deeply sorry," Congressman Mark Foley (R-FL) resigned from Congress, hours after ABC News questioned him about sexually explicit internet messages with current and former congressional pages under the age of 18.

Foley was on a commision which worked on issues directly regarding sexual exploitation of minors. He was just doing a little research I guess.

Last June, Larry Craig, the Senator from Idaho, was arrested for “lewd conduct” in a men’s room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. He pleaded guilty on August 8, paid $500, got out of the 10-day jail sentence, and was given a year of probation. The lewd conduct he was accused of consisted of a series of hand and foot jestures made under the partition of a bathroom stall in an airport. To call this type of encounter "gay" is insulting to homosexuals. Normal men and women, gay or straight, don't meet partners through a game of toilet seat footsie.

Craig, when addressing the issue at a press conference repeatedly denied being gay.Like most fellow Republicans, Craig has opposed gay rights, voting in favor of a federal ban on same-sex marriage several times in recent years

Asked this morning at the White House whether the senator, Larry Craig, should resign, President George W. Bush said nothing and walked off stage.

The Five S

Super Spectacular Seafood Sandwich Special

• grilled salmon
• sliced shrimp
• 1 slice of bread soaked in cream of crab soup
• pineapple slices
• lettuce
• tomato
• Kaiser roll

Isn't life great?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

What do you expect?. (or Neon Deion, Freon Peyon)

All excerpts are taken from an editorial written by Deion Sanders.

Sanders, "What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don’t start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me."

I can't listen to you, I'm reading words you wrote. You mean to say, "read on". You moron.

Sanders, "You can still choose to condemn him, but I’m trying to take you inside his mind so you can understand where he might be coming from."

Been inside his mind, have you? Placed any bets on the sick blood sport while you were in there?

Sanders "I have three highly-trained protection German shepherds, just in case someone wants to rob my family. Believe me, you don’t want to deal with them. With one German command, our dog Yascho turns into Cujo. And for the record, I live around the corner from the police station, so it won’t take them long to show up and save you from the dogs."

What's your "German command" Sieg Heil!, perhaps? You piece of shit. With your nazi command your dog is a gun too huh? You fuck.

Sanders "The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out when he knows he can’t win. It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status."

I'm not speechless often, but I have no response to that one.

Sanders, "Can I pause for a moment to ask you a question?"

You can do whatever you want, it's your article. You idiot. After you wrote that idiotic line, did you sit in front of your computer waiting for an answer?

Sanders ":We’re attacking this dogfighting ring the same way a teenager attacks his MySpace page after school (by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids)."

Teenagers have pit bulls attacking their computers!!!???!!! WTF? "by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids" Was that some half assed public service announcement? Was that pseudo wisdom, or are you really dumber than you look?

Sanders "The reason this is turning into a three-ring circus is that baseball is boring, basketball is months away, football is around the corner and we in the media don’t have a thing interesting to write about."

Right. The attention given has nothing to do with the sadistic nature of his actions. It's all baseball's fault. Blame the NBA while you're at it for not scheduling the games around Vick's dog fights.

Sanders, "How will this end up? I have no idea. All I know is Falcons fans better pray because Vick’s backup is Joey Harrington. Enough said."

So I guess in his eyes justice is irrelevant. What's paramount is the football team's success. I'll remember that.

Input from the peanut gallery. (or, how to think like an idiot without even thinking.)

Atlanta NAACP Chapter President R.L. White, "I don't support dog fighting and I consider it as bad as hunting."

Really White? They're pretty much the same thing then? So would you rather we hunt you down, or have you climb in a pit and fight a dog? We can bet on either one so it doesn't matter to us.

Says Mr. White . . . "We further ask the NFL, Falcons, and the sponsors not to permanently ban Mr. Vick from his ability to bring hours of enjoyment to fans all over this country."

White, by "fans" do you mean fans of his dog fights? Do they really last hours? If you find him so bloody entertaining, why don't you set up a fighting pit in your living room, invite the monster and his "athletes" over to entertain your empty little head off?

White said. "Michael Vick has received more negative press than if he had killed a human being."

Hey! he didn't kill anyone! Hooray!!! R.L White disregards animal pain and suffering and how Vick's despicable acts degrade us all and it sickens me. R.L. White should be reincarnated as a marinated mailman who must deliver to a junkyard. I'm sure the dogs there will all be Michael Vick fans.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

bettin' on the . . .

14 hours then 18 years.

Once I got in line and waited 14 hours to get tickets to see the Rolling Stones in Phiidelphia. We were sure this was their last show as did everyone else so the atmosphere outside the "Globe" store was electric. The year was 1989. Yeah, I feel silly now.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

no.2 best seller (or I see the cars lined up on the highway. I see cellophane stretched out to the moon.)

This sandwich will be built upside down.

Grab the top half of a split roll. Tear out a small handfull. In the hole you just created place cole slaw. Take a handfull of half cooked french fries and place them on top of the cole slaw/roll top. Don't be shy.
On that goes a moderate amount of mayo and French's mustard. (any other mustard is for pretentious fools). Then add lettuce and tomato. One hard shake of paprika. Then cylinder roll spiced ham, capicola and prosciutto and place onto sandwich. In leu of these ingredients use your best ham, salami and bologna (or your imagination). If you need to resort to these alternate ingredients, hum "This Land is Your Land" by Woody Guthrie. Trust me on that one . . .and this one. Finish by cupping your hands over some heat source, any will do. Once you've captured the heat, (avoid burning yourself of course) quickly dump the heat on top of the sandwich and immediately place the bottom of the bun on top of that. Set things up before hand so this can be done as quickly as possible. Place foil over sandwich and FLIP! Flick a small amount of water onto the sides of the sandwich and wrap with the foil. Allow to sit for 1-2 minutes and serve with a dill pickle and potato chips.

Heavy like Mount Kailash.

The Sandwich we can only Hope for. (or What can You create on such short notice?)

So here it is. A pure stroke of genius.

Toasted multigrain bread
- pesto
- relish
- horseradish
- sweet peppers
- banana peppers
- chip sliced pickles
- bacon
- 1 slice of pepperjack cheese
- 5 slices of corned beef

Assemble any way you feel like, because you really can't go wrong with this one. The proper construction, however, is to place the cheese in the center, surround it with corned beef, place the bacon on top of that and place the other ingredients around that. I have no idea where to sneak in the pesto. It's a trade secret.


Heavy like Mount Kailash.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

How should I say?

He's lucky we weren't living in New Orleans.

Let's Impeach the president for . . . .

A smile . . .& a recipe . . . (or The Existential Sandwich)

relives a heart that grieves. remember what I've said. (mick jagger)

BRILLIANT! Best sandwich ever! PBL&T! Peanutbutter, bacon, lettuce and tomato on white tOAST! (sorry caps lock left on) Masterfully put together by a friend/coworker of mine appropriately named Hope. BRILLIANT!

These clowns at subway talk in their ads about sandwich artists. Like art makes sense, or is useful. Fuckers.

(not the PBL&T) Recipe:
Take four slices of white bread, toss them in the trash. Now find a bakery that sells "army bread" , , ,good luck, I've yet to find one that still does in Scranton. Fish the four slices of white bread out of the trash and substitute them for the army bread. If you haven't already, turn on the Sabbath. or the Ramones. or the Durans. Melt a stick of butter and drizzled over the other 2 slices of bread. Dice lettuce, tomato, cilantro, and rosemary and spread over the melted butter. Before you take a much needed break, fill in the blanks with what you'd like to see in the sandwich. You'll be eating it, right?

Now change bread.


This sandwich will at all costs be crunchy. The inner part of each slice will be lined with rippled potato chips. Toss the lettuce tomato etc. concoction in the trash. Take the remaining bread and whatever else is left and put it in your pocket. Pour milk in your pocket. Put a spoon in your back pocket. Cup your left hand and pour orange juice in it and head for the front door. Crumple newspaper and put it in your pocket. Walk away from your house with no money and don't come back until you've eaten and drunk everything in your possession, including the newspaper. Now wait 28 hours and drink only hose water you steal from your neighbors. Once you're home lay down in the front yard with your eyes closed until the neighbors call the cops.

you know i'm right.

(legal footnote, it's your front yard, you can do what ever you damn well please. notify your lawyer before making the sandwich though. pigs will be pigs, right?)

Heavy like Mount Kailash.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Worst Haircut Ever pt. 2

I'm not so upset now about the fat girl shouting at me yesterday while I was getting my hair cut. It was still rude and unprofessional but not something to get too worked up about. Still, it was the worst haircut ever. It doesn't look very good either. I don't blame Katelyn though. How can you be expected to do good work when someone's shouting at you about spitting in people's food?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Worst Haircut Ever

Today I had the worst haircut experience ever. Maybe the title is a misnomer, it remains to be seen whether it is the worst looking haircuts ever. I'm tyring to be more positive about things but this was just too much.

The story actually begins last night while eating dinner in a restaurant. The family behind us had a baby who continuously screamed like she was having nails pounded into her skull. The parents completely ignored it. They ignored it, that is until the mother took the kid outside (twice) at which time the older kid would scream equally loud that she wanted to go outside like her mom and sister. These little bastards screamed and shrieked for 40 minutes. The couple next to us got up and left glaring at the family with the kids. Why we sat through it I have no idea but we did.

Back to the haircut. After the shampoo I sat in the chair and started with the cut. 2 minutes in, this other stylist sat down in the chair adjacent to mine. She was really fat and sat slouched to one side of the chair with the fat folding over the arm of the chair. She had just ordered Chinese and found out shortly before someone else ordered from the same place. She started in about whether they'd send 2 delivery drivers or not and if they would get pissed if they had to do so. "I ordered mine after so and so's, I hope they don't get pissed and spit in my food. They do that you know. My sister worked an Mc Donalds and would do that all the time. We went to Friendy's and there was a couple complaining about something to the waitress. I saw the look on her face and she was definitely going to spit in their food." BLAH BLAH BLAH! On and on.

She was so loud when she stressed a certain word for emphasis I would actually cringe a little bit. This went on the entire time I was getting my hair cut. I'm sitting there thinking I was going to snap and just walk out. I should've asked her to shut up but it was one of those things where you think at any moment she would stop and I wouldn't have to. It wouldn't have been rude if I had but I just felt weird about the whole thing so I just sat there and stewed. I kept thinking if I said something it would make things weird and would mess things up even more.

What a drag, oh well. I'll let her know next time I go in. My stylist, not the fat ass. If this haircut is bad I'm really going to be pissed. Again, oh well. I guess I'd have more of a leg to stand on about this looking good issue if I'd made more progress on the self improvement. Notice the lack of updates on fitness etc.

Anyway, I just had to vent, so there it is.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

1-2 we hope that you choke

this is ¡HEY! . . . . .¡HEY! is non-fiction. If it seems real to you then go to bed.

swimming under a boat.

I see the boat and feel it's hull. The hull below the water floats and makes the boat float. The boat we don't see does the heavy lifting, the lifting of the boat. The whole boat, not just the boat you'll see on say, television, or in the water. If you see a boat on a trailer on the highway look at the bottom. The work end.

Jump in the water what do you see? Cold dull mirrors swim away from me. There's nothing to fear. Nothing at all. Swim beneath the boat and all the sounds drift away.

"Make it available", I said. "Don't grit your teeth at me", they then say with fear. 1-2 we hope that you choke. I hope they do choke. They say,"I won't hesitate." I say,"For me smile, for me love?" "Don't grit your teeth at me." "They're my teeth. They make me smile." Those people lie and take money and give no help. Capital is all they see. I'll smile and grit my teeth. My teeth, they make me smile.

Relax now touch the water, let the water touch your skin. They and their fear and anger stay on land and don't reach you now. Now swim or just float. Just float now or just swim and let the water touch you swim. We let go our animosity for those bastards we wished harm. They wished us harm we drift on driftwood. We drift on old doors. We drift on park benches.

So fingertip to fingertip you roll your hands and fingers. My fingers do the same. You jump in the river, I jump in the sea. Cold dull mirrors swim with me, reflecting sun back to sun. Fingernails touch, they drag across sand. Scraping lines in sand they reach more sand. Roomfulls of sand they fill the parking lots then melt in the sea. The ocean melt sand into sea.

We all live content, I hope. I hope we all live happy. Know your scars and how you got them. Know your lessons, know how you learned them.

Still I swim from dock. If I swim on there'll never be hills. There'll never be grass, or bees or blacktop or tar laden parking lots. Swim near boat or under? I can't hear you, but I know the words you say. I can't see you, but I see what's in my way.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Couldn't make this up

There's this pathetic soul who comes into the kick I work at and drinks himself into a stupid stupor every night I'm there. This fool asks me to give him a ride to a nudie bar on Sat. I oblige him and on his request (and my curiosity to see a little such and such) I check the place out for a minute. What a dump. The next day he thanks me and asks if I want to join the place as a "member". "Member" what I say. "Member", he says, "so you can get in for real, the girls get naked and you can bring your own beer. It's $35 for the year and $21 a night."

I don't like this man. I think he's a creep. Now he's trying to convince me to dive into some kind of pyramid scheme nudie bar. I mess with people as it is, after this shit my "job" is about to get a whole lot more interesting. Unless of course I start to take my Jedi training seriously, like I should. If not I'll be lucky to get out of this thing without getting fired. My fellow employees, who all have cordless personalities, already comment on the shit I get away with.

To the point . . . "The owners are cool" he says as a selling point. "I know you love football" I couldn't give a good god damn about football you duck head, I think. "The owner's license plate is "VICK", he says, "He's a huge fan of the Falcons QB Michael Vick." I couldn't make this up. "Sick, die slow in it's belly." I said. If I met the owner of this sleeze factory I'd probably puke. I miss the Guns-n-Roses fan who used to come in and buy the huge bottle of Jim Beam every Sun. I could at least talk to him.

By the way, listen to Rocket Queen by G-n-R. Trust me, with any luck it'll make you forget all about Michael Vick.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Wouldn't It be Nice?

What if when Queen Elizabeth died Prince Charles abdicated the throne to Prince. (by "Prince I mean "Purple Rain" Prince), making him a King-if only for a moment? Whomever the hell is in charge of that mucking bull would pull the plug and yank the throne from under him and give it to the oldest of Princess Di's kids (his majesty would have to take of the crown, put on a raspberry beret and roll with the injustice of it all.). Lady Di's boys ARE dashing though, aren't they? Well once that happened, what if the younger was consumed with jealousy? So much so that he hatched a devious plan. ("you know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it." b. wilson of the beach boys) What if overcast days never turned him on but something about the clouds and him mixed, so he enacted his plan, knocked off his brother and became King. Pardoning himself, His newly crowned Majesty would proceed without guilt and with the public behind him hijack the government of the U.K. and make it a monarchy once again.

King ( ) 's first act would be to invade France. The French, of course, would welcome him with open arms. With His Purple Majesty playing 21 gigs in London in 21 days the French would be dying for a show by the Prince from Minneapolis. They've all been screaming "Let's Go Crazy!" since the 80's haven't they?

Don't worry about the international implications of an outright monarchy ruling such a major country. With an ever eroding judicial oversite of our executive branch, we're 9/10's of the way there ourselves.

"You know it's going to make it that much better, when we could say goodnight and stay together." b. wilson
Seeing as how we seem to have this never ending fixation with royalty Wouldn't It Be Nice if we just signed on with the crown and followed through with something for once? Wouldn't It Be Nice to just drop all the pretenses and have fun with it?

I won't even tell you who I think would make the best Queen. I wouldn't mind hearing your suggestions though. As it is . . . .

. . . . "I . . . . I love the colorful clothes she wears and the way the sunlight plays upon her hair." b. wilson

Man, it's going to be great! It's going to be FAB! Fab, with a great big fabulous FAB! It's going to be "FUN! FUN! FUN! till her daddy takes the T-Bird away!" b. wilson

Friday, June 8, 2007

Michael Vick do you hear that sound? . . .

. . . it's getting closer.

"During an April 25 drug raid on the home Vick owns in the county, authorities seized 66 dogs, including 55 pit bulls, and equipment that suggested someone at the property was involved in a dogfighting operation.

A search warrant affidavit said some of the dogs were in individual kennels and about 30 were tethered with "heavy logging-type chains" buried in the ground. The chains allowed the dogs to get close to each other, but not to have contact, one of myriad findings on the property that suggested a dogfighting operation.

Others included a rape stand, used to hold non-receptive dogs in place for mating; an electric treadmill modified to be used by dogs; a "pry bar" used to open the clamped-down mouths of dogs; and a bloodied piece of carpeting the authorities believe was used in dog fights. Carpeting gives dogs traction in a plywood fighting pit."

I've done research on this animal abuse. The "logging chains" , which can weigh over 40 lbs, are used to strengthen the dog's neck and shoulders. The chain is locked around the dogs neck and they are fed from above so they are forced to lift the chain in order to reach the food. Using the Pavlovian technique a whistle is blown during feeding. Once conditioned to reach up at the sound of the whistle the dogs are placed on a "workout schedule" with a whistle being blown at regular intervals so the dogs "exercise" and strengthen their necks in preparation for fighting.

The chains are at a length that allows closeness but not contact to develop unnatural aggression towards each other. Not only are the dogs forced to lift heavy chains to reach food but they are also given the perception that they must compete with another dog for food in an all or nothing battle. Dogs are pack animals, they integrate so well with us because we have a strong family structure. Wild dogs establish a pecking order which determines who eats first. They cooperate during the hunt and share the food so they all can eat. They live as a team, a family. These dogs crave physical contact. They sleep next to and often on top of one and other. Forcing them to compete for food in such a way, then lay near, but too far away to touch the other dogs is nothing less than psychological torture. It is the complete opposite of the dogs instinct.

Dogs are among the toughest animals on the planet. Bulldogs fought bulls (also barbaric and thankfully no longer done). Foxes have been known to chew their own leg off to escape a claw trap. They are wired to be able to tolerate great physical pain. This trait is exploited by sick bastards like Vick. In great contrast to this ability to resist pain, dogs feel an incredible need for contact, inclusion, family and at the risk of anthropomorphizing, love. To deprive them of this is the ultimate pain that can be afflicted.

I thought the vicious, bloody pain I saw in the dog fighting video was the worst thing that can happen to these animals. I had no idea how wrong I was. The slow monstrous daily ordeal these sadistic perverts subject these dogs to is exponentially worse. They live chained too far to touch other dogs they wish to socialize with, even though they compete unnaturally for food. They lie alone in the dark and listen to the the cries of other dogs they'll never touch. Unable to lick the other's wounds, their wounds hurt all the worse.

The real pain is the life these dogs live. Their death is the release. Their sad, wicked, horrific, bloody release.

TB and fire trucks

Ever heard "Rumble" by Link Ray and his Raymen?

I have asthma and occaisonally have coughing fits. I thought it was bad before but now everyone looks at me like I'm the "international Typhoid Mary, drug resistant tuberculousis guy". I can't wait until I fly to San Diego later this month.

Some of the nicest girls you're going to meet work at the Planned Parenthood. I had a catering delivery there today, so I know this from personal experience. Poor girls have to work behind 2 locked "buzz you in" doors and have 4 cameras pointed around the building.

I don't know about you, but when I feel lonely I listen to Liz Phair. I know she was a riot grrrl but I think that's just because she was lonely and fragile. I know this because I was a riot boy, but once I really listened the noise just went away.

A man gave me a "Mega-Millions" ticket today as a tip. I said,"Know what I'll do with the money after I take care of my family, friends and charities?" "What?" he said. "I'll buying a fire engine." I'll go to the mall just for kicks and park next to one of those guys driving a Hummer and say,"Hey, fire engine." Maybe those "MySpace girls" are on to something. Maybe I do harbor feelings of inadequacy. Or maybe I've just fallen off of the "sarcasm wagon". Either way, Angus would look cool riding shotgun in a fire engine. "Hey! Whare's tha dollmation?" "Ahem, bulldog. Get it?"

Wednesday, June 6, 2007


What?!? So you're saying that your philosophy of child rearing is that all children are like nails that need to be pounded flat. If they pop out they are to be driven back down again even harder. If they get rusty they should be pulled out and tossed aside before they give somebody tetanus or something. Sounds good to me.

The new idea in immigration is that we do away with family members receiving consideration. Now the focus would be placed on employment skills so they can add more to the economy. This comes from the right wing family values crowd who opposes gay marriage claiming it's a threat to the American family. Right then.

Know why I love MySpace? You would not BELIEVE the number of hot girls who want to be my friend. I never make them friends though because they all seem to think I have erectile dysfunction and/or "size deficiencie's". I appreciate the interest anyway you crazy girls.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Especially if you ask.

Nobody told me there'd be days like these.

I can't get my mind off of Michael Vick. Today I heard the DA say he has enough evidence to try him. Die sick, slow in it's belly.

Ever act stupid in order to feel smart? It's a clever way of lowering expectations for yourself. Eventually it catches up, like someone who changes his clock to feign more sleep. "It's better to burn out than it is to rust." (neil young) Clever is about as dumb as you can get.

Ruby red cherry hard rock candy. Flavor no not cherry, watermelon. These are the dreams we had. That girl who's lap I laid my head in and fell asleep while driving back from Dorney Park when I was 10. We said we'd stay in touch, but we didn't know our own phone numbers. We took turns in each other's laps. Funny thing that. Thinking back it seems like a 12 hour car ride. At the time it seemed like only 12 days. My best friend's (at the time) father's girlfriend's stepdaughter. I couldn't find her if I tried. I woke up at my friend's house around 5am with HBO playing the movie "The Looker". I was on the floor, she was on the couch. I could've kissed her but I didn't. I walked home 6 miles and slept the rest of the day.

Funny thing that. I don't think I've thought about all that since. I've no idea why I thought of it now.

Nobody told me there'd be days like these.

not so non sequitor: The rat has many theories. The dog has many answers but will rarely tell. Especially if you ask.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

COKE IS IT! (or Listen to Zappa's "Peaches en Regalia" Right Now)

I'm not supposed to say anything, but since you're all my friends I know you can keep a secret. I got a job as an "Experimental Flavor Developer" with the Coca-Cola co. I've actually been doing freelance work for them for a few months, I've done well so they've brought me "in house". I'm pretty excited. Having influence over the taste of the most consumed product on the planet is incredible. I just got a bit of a chill writing that. Coke is a pop culture icon, you know?

It's a weird kind of gig because it's part conceptual and artistic and part science. I have to come up with an idea then work with a team of "flavor synthesisers" to make it a reality. It's like making function follow form, if you know what I mean. I haven't been, nor will I be told how many others are Flavor Developers and we all work independently. I have been told however to not expect to have any of my concepts reach production. That said I really don't know how a determination is made as to my employment status. If nothing you do ever makes money, how does that reflect on an annual performance review?

Anyway, I'm thrilled to get the gig so I'm not really thinking about any future with "The Company". "It's really an honor just to be nominated."

I was told to relax, be myself and just let the ideas flow from within. So, now to the sneak peak . . . My thoughts first brought me to baseball and gave me the idea to add the smell of fresh cut grass to the drink. To really drive home(pun intended) the "at the ball park" experience I want the opening of the bottle to sound like the crack of the bat, then the fizzing of the drink as it's poured to simulate the roar of the crowd. I've been told this is physicaly imposible but they gave me 4 guys and 2 months to work on it anyway. I've already filed for a 1 month extension on the project.

No matter how big a company gets there's always room for expansion. Coke's already conquered the human species so now it's time to reach out. Hence, low carbonation beef and liver flavored Coke for dogs. I tried out the prototype on Angus and he went nuts for it. Cola nuts!

You may not have seen the new "vitamin coke" or whatever they're calling it, but that wasn't my idea. I got a fat raise however for suggesting we donate boatloads of it to starving nations. Once they're up and on they're feet again they'll be our best customers. Unlike the cigarette companies, we want to keep our customers alive.

I've heard the phrases, "red bull and vodka" and "Jagerbombs" belched out in a moist cloud from 20 somethings lately it struck me that the old standby "Jack and Coke" was getting passed by. "intoxiCOKE!" hit me from out of the sky like a lightning bolt from the hand of Zeus. Alcohol infused Coca-Cola! Think about it!

I've also had more than a few mundane flavor concepts. "Coca-Cola Cabbage", "Carrot Cake Coke", if this gets past "concept stage" I'd like to see Carol Burnett be the spokes woman. "Super Cold Coke". I've no idea how this one'll taste, but what a name huh?

Did I mention I get all the Coke I can drink for free! That alone makes the job worth doing. I have a few other flavors I'm working on. I'll keep you posted. I think I've knocked it out of the park with 3 men on base with this one though. Ready for this?!? . . . MONEY SCENTED COKE! Need I say more?

Take THAT Andy Warhol!

Monday, May 28, 2007

If we trust in God so much then why isn't Jesus' face on the $1 bill?

I guess it would be hard for some of us to tuck a bill sporting the image from the Shroud of Turin into the g-string of a stripper, but wtf right? Fuckin'-A-Right Batman! Maybe capitalism and Christianity don't mix all that well after all, cast the money changers out of the temple and all of that, right? By the way, I think that's in large part why the dollar coin is always a failure. One can't hold many coins in a g-string.

Non Sequitur: Brian Wilson is one of the few living geniuses. Armando Morales is another.

Michael Vick (or "Sick. Die slow in It's Belly")

Disgusting, vulgar, inhumane, barbaric, sickening, unholy, repulsive, nauseating, repugnant, unforgivable, perverse, unbearably violent, cowardly, terrifying, is how I described it. I ran out of adjectives. Sick, you sick, sick fuck.

"Cruel, degrading and illegal" is the way the NFL pathetically described dogfighting yesterday when confronted with Michael Vick's, QB for the ATL Falcons, house being raided. Inside the house they found a "dog pit", 2 feet deep and 10 feet across, stained with blood. They also seized 65 pit bulls most malnourished and neglected, many scarred and abused. All showed signs of being involved in dogfighting. Writing this I obviously want the following on the record. Save for a complete confession, repentance, and a life dedicated to the assistance to animals, I hope Vick is expelled from the NFL and dies penniless. I'm not so perverse as to wish him to suffer like he makes dogs, but I almost wish I was.

I have a little bulldog named Angus. Miki and I went to the breeder and walked up his driveway. I looked over the fence and saw my little boy looking up at me. I smiled, gave him a wink and knew I found my new friend. We run, play ball, wrestle, snuggle, he saved our marriage, we sleep together, drive all over town together, we've been kicked out of just about everywhere because they don't allow dogs, I held him through the entire 2004 SOX post season-I still call him thegoodluckredSOXbulldog, our favorite band is Sabbath, there's a dimple between his eyes in which my nose fits perfectly when I kiss him, when I broke my shoulder blade and was in a lot of pain he woke me up every morning with gentle kisses, he tolerates the jerks we meet and gives incredible love to everyone, he has 11 different expressions for each of his emotions and I've never seen true anger in him, he's stood in front of MIki when he sensed danger and knocked me over once just because he felt like it. If someone or something hurt Angus in the way "pitfighting dogs" are hurt I'd . . .

Fuck your "I'm a badass-I'm a big athlete"
Fuck your "I gotta big dick-watch my poor dogs fight."
Fuck you and your evil perverted means of hiding your inadequacies.
Fuck you and your "My dog is gun"
Fuck you and your spin doctor agent and your,"It wasn't me."
Fuck your testosterone and your sick feeble mind.
Fuck your fear and cowardice and the pain you leave behind.

I know it's wrong but I hope you die sick, die slow in it's belly.

I'd rather you die helping, willful or not. Die helping, don't leave your sickness lying around. Don't leave your evil shit on our floor.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

USA (or the united states of atlantis)

"Learn to swim. See you down at Arizona Bay." bill hicks

Baby fists, baby finger nails. They weak they sharp. Sharp skin slicing weak fist holding. Now I have fever late at night and my hands feel like baby fists, grabing dark in the night. Baby fists, weak but narcotic, dark in the night. Fists punch they punch wildly and weak through the air. Fear though they know nothing to fear.

Page through read to page they learn to love though they no learn who to love why. Read me love why then I learn to love who. Will I give it? Give it madly? Can I give it any other way?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

monkeys talk, no never lie on ground

I don't drink wine. When I do I don't think about it, let alone critique it. A man walks up to me in the liquor store today and asks me to describe the taste of a particular wine. I say,"I don't drink wine and furthermore i don't get involved in the affairs of others. He persisted. "Come on, you must know something about this one. It's very popular" "OK, I tried it a couple of times. It had a strong flavor of burnt coffee and human hair, with hints of onion and garlic, and a subtle yet satisfying hint of monkey pus and refried beans." I was fired 10 minutes later.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Cherry on an Anthill (or, We All Shine On. Right?)

Ever get the feeling you missed something? Will this all make sense? Will we have regrets? Of course we will. Is a fire like a star on the ground? I promise I won't write about the weather or the stars unless they're lying on the ground.

Will not to choose, will not to make. This not like them, we'll make no excuse, no more like them, no more less release. When the words they find their weight again then they start falling then more down. We don't swim under boat, no not now and the fire's not a star on the ground and if the colors start to drown and brown it fills your island, we'll not swim under the boat.

I've done bad things, maybe worse than you. soon the sun it touch the skin. I mean the light it wrap the skin in light. Sun throwing light, light throwing old light then older light throws light. Round light waves throw light round glass. With the water when it falls through lihgt and drags down light, light it doesn't care, it just makes light.

The new glass scourge lend truth to the glass threat now new threat, no new glass scourge. Walk now sinner, walk now through the glass. Touch glass, now no fear glass. Fear glass now that refract light. Wrapped like skin of porceline she lay broken. If not for flood of unborn water light. Her hair upon the skin with fickle coiled intention. We look like never under water. Like no never swim under boat.

Can you grip your memory in your hand? Can you taste your future in your mouth? Can your mouth hold time and will it hurt? Of my life I've grown much fonder. Swallowed my future so's not to taste it. What else can I've done? Stick my tounge out for sun's light spoon?

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Forever Never (or, Give it up to me)

You will not be afraid. You will be my savior anyway. So I looked it up. I looked a lot up. Time of day? I'll give you all some place to go. So I walk into my Grandmother's house and discover 11 different time zones.

Friday, April 20, 2007

A Few Words on Guns in My Art (or kiss kiss, bang bang)

I often use guns in my artwork. If I drew comics, made movies or tv shows no one would bat an eye. However, I don't so I thought I'd give a little explantion as to why I use them. I hate guns. I'm terrified of them to the point where I can't be near cops because they carry them. I studied American History and fully understand the 2nd amendment (right to keep and bear arms). I think it's obsolete and should be repealed. I think it's perverse to own a gun. The only use for a gun is to kill, it's positively barbaric that, not only do we allow these things, but actually protect a right to own them. Guns are dangerous and scare me to death. Depicting guns in my art is a way of confronting my fear. If I'm doing it right, painting is one of the most frightening things I do, so guns and the art are a good mix. "If you hate something, don't you do it too?" eddie vedder-"not for you"

Often I incorporate girls into the gun art. Artisticlly I'm really interested in juxtapositions. Girls and guns, sex and danger, fear and aggression. No, wait, those last two are the same. I also think of myself not just an artist but as an American artist, so since guns are a huge part of our culture I have to use them.

The guns used in the photos of us are replicas.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

So what if I was? (or Sacrifice, loss and an ice cold Coke!)

My neighbor was recently cited for keeping an "unlicensed" animal. He was turned in by the jerks across the street. Before Animal Control could come back with "special equipment" he asked me to help him put his gator down. It was a clean shot and a humane death, we did a far better job than they could've. By the time Animal Control got there we had the old boy skinned and filleted. So now in addition to the animal fine he was hit with a big fine for violating the zoning laws by running an illegal slaughter house in his basement. The Department of Labor is now getting involved because he didn't have the proper safety equipment in place.

Long and the short, he's out one alligator and owes a few grand in fines. He sold the hide to a tanner so that should cover the cost of the fines. He's really upset about gator, they were close. He sure tastes good though. His name was Randell. The gator, not my neighbor, he wishes to remain anonymous.

Today for lunch I'm having a ALT. Tonight It's alligator stew for dinner. Alligator was one of the things I gave up for Lent so now I can't get enough of it. I also gave up Coke and chips and a few other things which really are far less evil but much harder to quit. Some things in life cannot measure by degrees.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Anna Nicole McMuffin (or, What to do and what to eat following an employment rejection.)

Topic: I'm never really sure if you'll take what I'm saying the right way.

It's not going away, so let's just embrace it. They should take the corpse of Anna Nicole Smith, prop it up outside the Bellagio in Vegas and charge $100 to touch it. They'd make a fortune. I hope they do it, I'd go. It'll be great.

Tomorrow I'm going to McDonalds for that magical moment when you can get a Big Mac and there's still an Egg McMuffin sitting under the heat lamps. Lunch for me tomorrow, an Egg McMuffin INSIDE a Big Mac. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun wrapped around one egg, cheese, ham and an English muffin. It'll be great.

Wow! This just in, toxicology reports from Anna's autopsy AND the idea for a side sandwich of golden french fries on two hash browns. Brilliant! She's too old, 27 being the rock star death age, but she still died like a rock star, by a drug over dose. There's a diner in Scranton called "Chick's". The old cook there knew me and my order and would start it the minute he saw me. Scrambled egg in a chili cheeseburger, with a chili cheese french fry omlette. Genius! Best meal ever. It's a three ring, circus sideshow of a meal. I'll have the "P.T. Barnum" with a coke and a glass of ice water with lemon and a chocolate shake. I have to find a diner here in Baltimore that I can establish that kind of relationship with the cook. Then again, maybe I'm too old to make a habit of stumbling drunk into a diner at 3am.

In Pittsburgh there's a great hot dog place (it's WAAAAAY more than just a hot dog place, but that's another story.) French fries there have their own section. There are twin brothers named Aaron and Darren who work the fryers. (are you, you or are you your brother?) My cousin and I had a similar relationship with them. We'd walk in and get a nod as they dropped us a medium fry order double burnt. (medium is huge, picture a school lunch tray filled with fries)

Word of wisdom, tip everyone who makes you food. Everyone.

After lunch tomorrow I'm going golfing. I'll hit golf balls in the big field behind my house. The infields of the various ball fields that are scattered around will serve as the greens. There's a guy down the street from me who, no joke, has manicured his front lawn into a putting green. He has a pin with a flag and everything. I'll place the balls on the green 1 at a time roughly where they landed on the infield. I think I'll shoot 9 holes and kick back and have a few Arnold Palmers* with Jim, the owner of the 1-9th holes. I'll need to figure out the par for the course before I bring a foursome on the links for a game of "captain and mate". I sometimes think about installing a stereo in my golf bag, like Rodney, but that's unoriginal so I've never done it.

* Arnold Palmer= Sweet Tea, Pink Lemonade and Smirnoff over ice in a tall glass.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

¡hey! Sea Shell Grip they Bite Your Soles (or, the star of the County Down)

Once now never always. Stupid shut up now forget we have this fear. Now walk into the future backwards., over your shoulder you see the past pass by you. Pass you on the right now the left. Both now liar both now right then left liar, both now right and then now left. You tell lies now see lies always. You tell truth then you see truth. No lies pass you no past pass you only lies. Shake lies. Look left then right then left then right, no lies pass, no past lies down. Only behind you does the past lie down. Lies down like lies, past should be forgotten.


So now you are true.

Truth on this good Saint's Day. Truth, the man accepted then did escape slavery. Then He walked long miles, then sailed, then landed then came back to be a man. Became the great emancipator of His adopted people. Abolitionist like Moses. So true and saw no lies except for true lies. No left, no right. Lie down lies, lie down behind.

Near place you've seen to a place you've never been and from there up and the down the stairs. I know a girl so she and she smiled at me and so there I stood and smiled. I smiled at she and she smiled at me as I stood as she passed me by. She's a jewel in the grass, she's a jewel of a lass, and she smiled as she passed me by.

Now I'm out in the bay and the boat's in front of me, can I swim? No I'm sure I'll drown. So I swim, swim under the boat, take the broad route, then the narrow. The turn takes my air. So I'm turned, look up and see boat. The boat is there and I swim up. I hit the boat then turn left then hard down then turn down 'cause it's up and I want out and I want air. I want out. So once you turn left you see lies you turn right you see lies, you look up and you look down. You feel pain, this brings you sadness. You see beauty, you know you want to. Once, now always, now in you're hand you feel hope, so do I, or so I want to.

Now standing on the sea shells, and they grip and they bite your soles. On the sea shell you see clouds drift, you see blood then you see sky. The sky she kiss you brightly, brightly she make you smile. The sun she shines across you, she warms you body, she makes you fear. Yes your fear you use it wisely. Yes no fear it make you lazy. No fear it make you fear. Now once and future always, she once now and future near.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

¡hey! Swimming under a boat.

Topic: My thanks to Lewis & Clarke (though they know not what they've done)

It's good that you're the belle of my ball. All the choices you make lead to the next choice you'll make. I walk over your dress that lay there on the ground. Down beneath my feet it . . . well it won't find me growing old, getting old, learning to forget. Trying not to forget. Forgetting just the same. It's always just all the same.

Like when you reached for the honey in the hive. Like when you said the water on the ground was like the color of the sky, then looked at the sky and saw the puddle on the ground. When I looked at pictures from your past I thought I saw myself. No then I thought I saw my coat, hung over on a chair, not mine. It was just as though I waited there. Like before, when you reached for the honey in the hive. Was it Advent, or was it Lent? You cannot pretend You cannot act on faith, today. Don't stop now, it's not your choice, it's not your faith that will let you down. It was Lent and your faith had let you down. . . .again.

When the color of your sky, it hits the ground, there by my puddle in your sky it all makes sense. Like your dress that lay there on the ground, beneath my feet. Holidays and unpaid bills like water from a faucet in a glass, now Holy Ghost. No getting, now cannot forget, the waiting for no reaching for now faith. My secret wish to not reach for faith but for faith to reach for me. It all makes sense and I can't forget, like you can't show what made you reach for the honey in the hive.

That dress looked like an ugly island . . . floating on some bloody water that looked ugly too. Here's the secret wish I wanted never to be lived as all the colors began to drown in your great puddle in your sky. Can't it wait until the sun starts to fade away?

August orange but August crescent cool moon sunless. As the sun went down it scarcely drew a close to the day.

It's good that you're the belle of my ball.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

¡hey! (or, real american pizza is made with real american cheese. thank you very much wisconson.)

Topic: once rejected novella, returning as an online serial


Lost and Found Nursery Rhymes.

Listen up. I said LISTEN! So sad slip step, press help button. If you're reading this then you're really listening in your head. Can't you hear me? I know you can but if not I'll shout. I'll shout over the noise which is already in there. You're aware it's there, or else you're denying it, which is worse. Or, which is worse? If you prefer it in the form of a question. So like I said, I said,"HEY!"

Then he's on his way home with a dancer he's just met "Do it now she said", towards the wall. He'd try anything . . . twice, but this request (by request I mean demand) struck him as a little more than odd. Worse yet it was a bit of a bitter turn off. He bit back but complied nonetheless. To his surprise, shock even, it was good. So it was again ,strong, slow. "My God", he thought, "The quiet in my brain all alone is beautiful." It didn't last. It never does.

Hello reader. I haven't met you personally but I may as well address you personally seeing as if you stick around I'll be talking to you for a bit. That said, on with the story.

So I'mma chat my girl. Fucking-A-Right Batgirl! So right, not impressed. Man in three piece steps in, "Buy you ladies a drink? In the mood for a blah blah blah martini?" So later Tina and him walk to the car WAIT! You don't know about Tina. I'll tell you later.

"Most guys I go home with drive nicer cars than that!" she says. "Most guys you go home with won't---content deleted--- either." She gets in the car.


Kiss kiss no, yes kiss kiss, yes kiss no tell all this, kiss. He had to walk around wandering for 4 hours to find his car. Now I have a problem. I'm home and the lights won't turn on and I'm home and the lights won't turn. Ever been lost in your own home? Ever been lost in your own life? Wake up, break apart breakfast, come together to fall apart. It's my life to take or make. You'll make of it what you want. You will, you will because you can.

Ever loved someone so much it paralyzed you?

YES! HEY! YES! of course! Thank you. I've never felt more welcome. I've--------enough about me let's talk about you for awhile. "Yeah, I'm chatting you up. That much in the kitty? Well how much can you stand?"

MAybe. Systematized, god trusting, thrusting suburbanites. Sacrificial stepchild step up. Step down shock, rack stop, car jack, jack! Back up. Negativity abounds. A restlessness still unexpected, returns in turn and all throughout. Make me make believe and take this brother, may it serve you well. Misunderstanding all around. Overcome, expect, acceptance.

Whiskey soaked . .
Whiskey drained . . .
Whiskey driven, beer soaked rebellion trips over itself again.
Lying there and staring at the ceiling, waiting for a sleepy feeling. What counts? Who counts? Who counts what? Which is more important? Lost and crippled, automatic whiskey driven poetry, lost not crippled, moss tossed skyscraper honesty.

So. Confessional. I.

Third (so called) Bimonthly Update

Topic: Resolutions

• finish all the projects already started.
Struggling. It seems like the more time you have, the less you get done.

• focus on one new project at a time then finish it before starting another.
See above, then see below.

• heavily promote myself and the art.
Still trying to figure this one out.

• line up a gallery show for the fall.
Fogelsville4 is currently working on a short movie for a film fest in September.

• finish at least 2 paintings a month.
Just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm going to start to make it happen though.

• improve diet.
My diet, like coincidence, is either hit or miss.

• exercise 5 times a week.
Hasn't been a problem.

• drop 30 lbs to go from a 27.9 bmi to 23.7, or 200 to 170 lbs.
Current weight is 192. My overall strength is up about 12% though.

• start a career already.
Not yet.

• pay down debt.
Things are coming along.

• Assess retirement savings and adjust accordingly.
For now I've done all that I can. Except of course selling my Marvel comics to buy stock in Marvel Comics.

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda.
“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

100 things about me (or, over 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.)

Topic: Online personal quiz type thing.

1. Despite my huge ego it's taken me over a week to write this list.

2. Miki and I designed our wedding rings.

3. I'm that guy who's wife is his best friend.

4. I once ate the same thing every day for 2 months. Frosted Flakes and a glass of oj for breakfast, grilled cheese, tomato soup and a coke for lunch. Two hot dogs, potato chips, a pickle and a coke for dinner.

5. GO SOX!

6. I wear a different cologne each season. Right now it's CK Be.

7. Just about the only music I've listened to for the past year is Sabbath. (Ozzy Sabbath, not Dio Sabbath)

8. I wear my Grandmother's wedding ring on a shoe lace around my neck.

9. My favorite shoes are Adidas Stan Smiths. Not the stupid shell toe Adidas, the classic Stan Smiths.

10. I've had extensive facial reconstructive surgery.

11. I think Picasso is the greatest artist ever. He's so good it makes me sick.

12. I think Armondo Moralas is the best artist alive.

13. I know that things are going wrong for me.

14. I love my bulldog Angus. Until I got him I never had a dog.

15. I want to be an archer. no wait, I want to be Robin Hood.

16. I've read "The Lord of the Flies" more times than I can count. Though my favorite is Moby Dick.

17. It's not the years it's the mileage.

18. The only time I gamble is on the Triple Crown. Then I'm really into it.

19. During baseball season I almost exclusively wear RED SOX jerseys, wearing the home jersey when they're home and away when they're away.

20. At least once a day, during basketball season I'll wear a PITT sweatshirt.

21. My all time favorite movies are, Cool Hand Luke, King Kong (original) Fight Club, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (original), Mad Max and Die Hard.

22. I don't like disorder, but it seems it's all I can create.

23. I wear my watch on the "wrong" wrist. I'm right handed and I wear my watch on my right wrist. I also ride skate and surf boards the "wrong" way.

24. 14 is the only number that counts.

25. I used to be a cyclist.

26. I used to be a runner.

27. I used to be a rock climber.

28. I used to be a lot of things.

29. Sometime soon I plan to get a Scion xb. It looks like my bulldog Angus. I'll call it the "Angimobile"

30. I don't have a negative body image, although I probably should.

31. I can carry on a conversation with my friend Aaron using only quotes from "Goodfellas".

32. I can carry on a conversation with my cousin Jimmy using only hand signals. Not sign language, just private hand signals.

33. When I was a kid I had trouble comprehending what people would say to me because I was too busy counting the number of silables in the words.

34. When I was in school it took 418 steps to get from my house to the school. As I grew older I had to take different routes to keep it at 418, because I could cover more ground with each step.

35. I have a Vespa scooter. I crashed it last fall and it landed on me so it wasn't badly damaged. I can't say the same for myself.

36. I'm in that small minority that has neither a tattoo nor likes country music.

37. "Supernaut" by Sabbath is my favorite song. It's play count on my iTunes is at 938.

38. I'm defiantly a mac guy, not a pc guy.

39. I think cats are really creepy.

40. I love Christmas and think about it every day.

41. My wife and I eat Big Macs on our McDonald's Christmas plates every year before we decorate our tree.

42. My favorite holidays are Christmas, a distant second being St. Patrick's Day, then Halloween.

43. I think nearly all mixed drinks are nonsense and most always avoid them.

44. It makes me mad that I can't take my bulldog everywhere with me.

45. I love egg creams, have both chocolate and vanilla Ubet syrup, but rarely make them. Except for right now. HA!

46. I'm forgetful, but I don't think I'm forgettable.

47. I think people who say "Knock on wood." are ridiculous.

48. I'll never understand the appeal of NFL football.

49. When I played baseball, during games I would hold cherry pits in my mouth and drink lemon juice from those lemon shaped squirt bottles. Usually about a bottle a game.

50. I like hanging out in bars but can't deal with smoke. I have asthma.

51. I can't wait for a statewide smoking ban.

52. I'm VERY good at falling down. I've had a lot of practice. I fell off the front step and twisted my ankle just after writing #51. I hit and rolled when most would've cracked their head on the sidewalk. Still hurts though.

53. I HATE cops.

54. My dream job is one where I can have Angus with me and play Sabbath at full volume.

55. I'm a painter, lately it's been mostly acrylic on canvas. My stuff is at the front of the ¡Arma Caliente! Movement.

56. I'm 36, getting gray hair and wrinkles and liking it.

57. My iTunes play count for the song "Supernaut" is now at 946.

58. I'm terrified of Komodo dragons. They're the most evil, vile, disgusting creatures ever. However, I love all other sorts of dragons, well, except for the Tatzelworm.

59. I haven't played a video game in almost 15 years.

60. My recent most used expression is "Fuckin'-a-right Batman/Batgirl."

61. The Democratic Party is a little too conservative for me, but I'm a member anyway.

62. I almost always wear sunglasses when outside, even when it's overcast. I guess I'm a little photosensitive.

63. I do graphic design, digital art and web design.

64. I've alienated more friends over the years than I've made.

65. I'm a far bigger loser than most people think. The cat's out of the bag on that one. I guess it serves me right for keeping a cat in a bag. I couldn't help it though, they're creepy.

66. I'm a complete son of a bitch when it comes to art.

67. I make up superhero characters for my friends.

68. My head is crowded with useless facts. Things such as the origins of common expressions, for example.

69. If I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be the Barnett Newman painting,"Station of the Cross # 14". It would take up my entire back.

70. I tried to be a painter, then I tried to be a writer, then I tried to be a musician. Now I'm trying to be a painter again. This time I'm sticking to it.

71. If I get hiccups, I can always cure them with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

72. I want to get one of those boardwalk photo booths for my house. I'll make everyone who comes over sit in it and get their picture taken.

73. My dad is my hero.

74. I think that hack Thomas Kincaide is the new Andy Warhol. I want to be the new Thomas Kincaide.

75. I quit using sarcasm, it's been very hard.

76. I think daylight savings time is absurd.

77. I'd love to be a surfer but I've never lived near the ocean.

78. I think I'll die in a shark attack. Actually, I'm sure I'll be killed by a shark, despite the fact that I don't live near the ocean.

79. I'm dyslexic.

80. I think horoscopes and astrological signs are about the stupidist things I've ever heard of.

81. I listen to way too much NPR.

82. I can't wait for baseball season.

83. I'd love to live in a tree house.

84. I've been to Europe twice. Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, France and Ireland.

85. I go to Fenway Park once a year.

86. I think I check my email too often.

87. My favorite foods are my grandmother's Christmas chocolate chip cookies and her meatballs, Nicolas's pizza, Big Macs, shepard's pie and my father's-in-law sushi.

88. I wish I spoke Spanish but so far have lacked the disciplne to learn.

89. I've only drunk 3 cups of coffee in my life.

90. Southern accents annoy me.

91. Beer over wine, any day.

92. I plan to make a garden with a waterfall in my yard this spring.

93. I love cool to cold overcast days and really hate it when it's hot.

94. I think everyone is at least a little bit racist, the good people recognize it and try not to be.

95. I'm full of contradictions, but I'm working on reconciling them.

96. I think Christian Conservatives and their imaginary friend in the sky should leave the rest of us alone.

97. If it's after 10am, I don't eat breakfast food. I think it's bizzare to want to.

98. I sometimes quote Kurt Cobain or Ozzy in conversation, but no one ever notices.

99. Cooking is one of my least favorite things.

100. I think my life moves in 7 year cycles. Someone else thinks that too, but I can't remember who. Is it you?

I think-no- I know I skipped 2 resolution updates. I meant to but I've made little progress so it's been pretty easy to put off. I'll post one tomorrow.

Monday, March 5, 2007


What I Ate for Lunch (or, what i wanted to anyway.)

I said,"I'm not eating that. I wanted a bacon, LOBSTER and tomato on white toast. Get this lettuce nonsense out of my sandwich."

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

apple in the palm

Topic: sweet son of a bitch

I was in New York one time and met Fiona Apple in a club. She was in a long gray dress, as near as I could tell in the pale blue light. People call me a flirt and looking back I guess I am because I was so full of myself it took a good 5 minutes before I knew who I was talking to. At one point she offered to read my palm. I refused, telling her I'd rather be caught off guard by the future.

My only other brush with fame or celebrity or infamy was when I met Jenna Jameson. The bartender of the lobby bar at the Westin William Penn was a friend of mine. We worked as bike messengers together. Out of the blue he called me to say that Jenna is staying at the hotel and that I have to get down here because she's hotter than you can imagine. My band, hemicuda, had a show that weekend.

I went downtown almost just for kicks, and hit the Westin bar for free booze. Timmy hooks it up and says"I told you so." She's across the bar with a few guys and a girl that she's pretending to make out with, or is really making out with, it was hard to tell. I said to Timmy,"Tell her I'd buy her a drink but I'm broke. However if she'd buy me a few I'd make her an origami swan." The name of our show was "Origami Bird Warfare". Friends were given origami birds which functioned as tickets, everyone else paid $10. So she bought my drinks, I flipped her a bird and we hung out for an hour or so. She knows more than you do about the BEAT generation writers.

So I got an invitation to her party on the 16th floor. I went up the elevator having no idea what I was getting into, knocked on the door and was greeted by a guy who called himself Sikki Nixx. I guess he was into Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue. It was a dreary, pathetic scene of about 9 skztzy wierdos and about 4 of the hottest naked girls I'd ever seen. The thing was the hot girls were all on the phone or doing their nails or their taxes or their hair or some such nonsense so that it was completely unsexy. It was a bit like eating ice cream in the dead of winter. After taking a while to take it all in and deciding to take off, I searched out the alcohol. I drank one bottle of Heineken then put 10 more and a bottle of JD into a pillow case and took off, clanking all the way. I'm not a thief by nature but believe me they had plenty to spare, I felt worse about stealing the pillow case. Besides, I didn't sneak it out or anything. I was talking to Sikki the whole time I filled up the pillowcase. You had to see the midnight looks I got in the ghetto on the way home.

While at the bar Ms. Jameson gave me 2 tickets to her show at the "Majesty Lounge". Fabulous time. We saw two fights, kept out of both of them and got more free lap dances than the King of Milwaukee. She never came to my show. After the after party I got really spun up on the hooch I'd stolen from her room.

All in all I'd say I had a better time sledding when I was a ten year old.

Funny thing, a few months later the Dalai Lama came to Pittsburgh to speak at CMU. He stayed at the same hotel. I didn't get invited to his room, but I'll bet his party was a lot better.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Britney Spears' New Haircut (or, What's the big deal? Sinéad O'Connor's been doing it for years.)

topic: Western Man is externalizing himself in the form of gadgets. (William S. Burroughs)

Traditional tools are extensions of man's physical being. They are invented to do man's work faster or to do work that man cannot do otherwise. Prior to the development of electronics, the work performed by tools was mainly physical. Examples: a saw cuts, a lever lifts and a ship travels. Written words and symbolic images are a tool which perform mental work, transmitting an idea, they are extensions of man's mental being. Before the electronic transmission of words the work performed by them was disjointed from the writer. Like sending a message in a bottle, the writer was insulated from the reader by time.

Through electronic media the transmission of ideas has become instantaneous. We are no longer insulated by a time barrier. We are plugged in to devices, which, at their essence, are an extension of our nervous system. While plugged in we are exposed to a bombardment of information.
The above was inspired by the writing of Marshall MacLuhan

In the same way physical tools have increased our ability to do work faster, or previously impossible, the electronic tools have allowed us to transmit data farther, faster and with greater detail than before.

It seems that in essence, humans are consumers. Americans are the ultimate consumers. The new ultimate product is celebrity, it manufactures, promotes and sells itself. There is also an endless supply. From a wealthy hotel heiress to an average guy on a reality show, people are lined up like lemmings ready to dive off the cliff into a sea of paparazzi. Behind the rows of cameras and microphones, we wait ready to take in the news, reviews, gossip, slander, spectacle, meltdown, rehab and redemption.

Celebrities are such a fixation that they've eclipsed sex as our major collective fixation. This is the logical product of a diseased culture combined with a medium that has evolved fasted than we've been able to cope with. We will never touch the celebrities, we are voyeurs, peering into their manufactured world.

Through electronic media we receive ever more information from visual stimulation. In contrast tactile stimulation makes up less of our perception of reality. Electronic transmission satisfies our need for instant gratification and acts as a conduit through which the celebrity delivers his/her product to the consumer. This relationship between celebrity product and consumer is symbolic. The product doesn't actually exist. The celebrity for the most part doesn't know it's being sold, likewise the consumer isn't aware he/she's making a purchase. The government doesn't even tax it. The conundrum is, the product is still there. Somewhere in the media? Somewhere in our minds?

Pop will eat itself. It seems pop will also feed itself. Maybe the more valid question is, which way does the influence of this relationship go? Celebrity to consumer? or vice versa?
Maybe it's like the alternating current that powers our media devices, always imperceptibly changing direction and invisibly generating the great big buzzzzzzzzz.

In her prime Anna Nicole was the best. Monica Leigh is now my new favorite Playboy Playmate. Smokin' like she just blew a fuse.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Chilling Out in the Big Warm Up

Topic: Climate Change

For the 4th time in a week I've encountered someone who believes the idea of global warming is a hoax. That doesn't include the smug son of a bitch I saw on tv last night. I've given up on discussing the issue with these people. You could show them all of the satellite photos of the Artic, all the climatology reports and average temperature records for the last hundred years and they still won't listen. If a homeless polar bear carjacks them in a mall parking lot, they might come around.

"Learn to swim, see you down at Arizona Bay." (bill hicks) I will miss Fenway Park, but think of how cool the scuba diving is going to be there. Besides, it's not like it's the end of the world. Frank Zappa said that would be caused by,"paperwork and nostalgia".

So there's this penguin who's doing a tour of the US because his iceberg melted. With nowhere to live and nothing better to do, he figured he'd take a trip. So he's driving through Nevada in his little penguin car. Now the heat is unbearable and it's really getting to him when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the shop where the mechnic say's, "It's going be awhile and you look really hot, so why don't you go across the street to the supermarket and I'll come get you when I'm done. They have air conditioning so you'll feel better there." He goes to the market and wanders around until he finds the freezer section. Once there he tears into the ice cream shoveling it into his mouth with his little flipper-wings. The mechanic diagnosed the problem quicker than he thought and tracked the penguin down. Finding the penguin the mechanic taps him on the shoulder. Turning around, the penguin says,"That was quick! So what's the problem?" The mechanic says,"You blew a seal." Quickly looking down at the melted vanilla ice cream dripping down his chin, the penguin blurts out,"NO! NO I DIDN'T! IT'S ICE CREAM! "

Monday, February 12, 2007

"the pink panther took her out, you think?" said nila

If Iran is providing some Iraqis with arms, then that means we're fighting a de facto war against Iran, right? Iran is waging a sort of war by proxy against the U.S. GREAT! (I didnt intend to write about politics, i just felt like using "de facto". It makes me feel smart.) When Americans were taken hostage in Iran in 1979, I remember this kid who would talk about it all the time. It was creepy, he would become giddy and his voice would crack when he'd say,"We should NUKE 'EM!". He was a real idiot. I'm not just being mean, it's true, he was just a few IQ points north of being mentally handicapped. He was right at the point where rude people would say to his face,"You're a fucking retard." as opposed to saying behind his back," "Boy, he's pretty smart for a fucking retard." I'm not sure which one we are regarding this war right now, but does it really matter?

I've been struggling to get my unfinished art projects finished. I've left them undone for too long and the ideas have gotten old. Working on them is like pouring curdled milk onto a bowl of Frosted Flakes. I was going to give up, but then decided give it one last try. I hired a Muse. Seems strange, right? I'm sure you didn't know such a service was available, I didn't. So I'm all set and ready to go when, BAM! My Muse lands herself in the hospital because of a sleep related injury. Now I have stale unfinished art and a Muse on the 15 day disabled list. This is a real dilemma I'm facing, and I don't think I can resolve it on my own so I'm going to have to consult my Guru.

I wouldn't dare go to Master Yoda with a problem like this one. He'd kick my ass.

Now that I think about it, the Guru owes me a few pints at the "Winchester Pub", so fuck him . I think I'll skip the Guru, put my head down, turn the SABBATH up and bang this shit out.

I think maybe Anna Nicole Smith died because she ate some Owens Corning Fibreglass insulation, mistaking it for pink cotton candy.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

Fine Sweet Hungarian Devil

Topic: Frederic fucking Chopin

What do you think, darling? Should I hate him? . . . . Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.

Sometimes, it's just nice to be recognized. I think that's why guns are so popular. Buss a cap in yo ass, and all that happy horse shit. I prefer a bow and arrow. Ever since I read "Robin Hood" as a kid I've wanted one. Tonight I was in the mall and I saw a guy wearing a bow hunter t-shirt. I approached him and started talking about archery. It was about 5 minutes in before he started to take me seriously(his wife was in the Victoria's Secret and he had nowhere to go. He wouldn't go in). Then he really started talking and told me about this convention the weekend after Mother's Day and all this other stuff that you only know if you're an archer(or you meet a guy in the mall who's one).

Ever listen to the "Godspeed You Black Emperor"? You would like it.

You're a daisy if you do . . .

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Second Bimonthly Update

Topic: Resolutions

• finish all previously started projects.
I'm not doing too well with this one. I'll just leave it at that.

• finish one project before starting another
see above

• heavily promote myself and the art.
I'm not doing too bad so far. mostly networking type stuff. I've had a few link to my site ( hits have increased a bit.

• finish 2 paintings a month.
again, see above.

• improve diet.
Weekends have been tough, I have cut down on alcohol and I've been a lot more creative in my meal selections

• exercise 5 times a week
I'm on this one, sometimes 6 a week. i've been doing yoga 3 times a week too. all the pseudo-spiritual shit kind of gets on my nerves and they kill me with the new age music, but over all it's like rockstar ninja training.

• drop 30 lbs. to get from 200 to 170
current weight is 194/5

• start a career already
i think i may be getting an interview with a design firm. i went through a recruiter and she said "this looks great! this portfolio was one of the best i've seen." of course she just might say that to all the boys.
I also traded one mindless job with no responsibility for another mindless job with no responsibility.

• pay down debt

• assess retirement
i cashed in some bonds and turned them over to my investor. I'm keeping a few hundred to buy stock in Marvel Comics.

• more Sabbath . . . .and LOUDER!
i'm going to stop answering this one. it should be obvious by now. I really don't know why I put it on the list in the first place. it's like saying,"this year I resolve to continue breathing." I can't get it any LOUDER though, until I get a new sound system.

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try.

Today is the Feastday of St. Brigid. She's a patron Saint of Ireland who, in the 5th century, founded 2 monastaries and a school of art. She died on Feb, 1st and is buried in Downpatrick near St. Patrick's grave.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Today's Lunch

Topic: Health Food

I'm really trying to keep on this healthy eating thing but it seems over the weekend I keep slipping into a less healthy diet. Every Saturday I start with some kind of junk food or other for lunch because we've usually been out of the house at that time. It's just so easy to grab a burger. Once you do that it's not that it's hard to stop, it's just that it's sooo easy to keep going. Usually by Tues. or Wed. I start eating healthy again.

I got up today and decided to get back on track. This morning I had Grape Nuts and strawberries and a glass of juice. Today for lunch I made a sandwich on organic whole wheat bread. I put on it a half pint of Ben and Jerry's peanut butter cup ice cream, 4 strips of raw bacon, maple syrup, a slice of leftover pizza and 2 Hershey's chocolate bars, one regular and one with almonds. I used dijon mustard because I was feeling fancy. To drink I had 2 Cokes and a double shot of white distilled vinegar. It was great.

Not So Non Sequitur: When I was kid I once ate a half bag of flour and a few spoonsfull of Crisco. It was great.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

New Orleans to Old Mexico (or, You'll need a passport to go to Mardi Gras)

Topic: State of the Union

So I broke down and watched the address. It was probably the dullest speech I've ever heard. A quarter of the way in I stopped listening and played with my bulldog.(he has a rash on his belly and the vet put him on medication that makes him sleepy. This was the first time he was up and around all day, so he needed some play time) I caught something however, the W didn't speak about New Orleans. I guess it's because the Saints lost in the playoffs. Or maybe the city seceded from the Union, while he was ignoring them. If that's the case, why mention them in a State of the Union Address, right? Or maybe they didn't succeed, so much as float away. Maybe they slid off the continent and drifted into the Gulf of Mexico. I wonder what Mexico's immigration policies are? Maybe they'll recieve better treatment there. W started about every fourth paragraph with 9-11. If Bin Laden blew up the levees do you think W would've mentioned the flood?

It'll be kind of cool to hear what a mix of Mariachi and New Orleans Jazz sounds like, won't it?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

State of the Union, State of the Walk In

The popular term for people like me is "political junkie", I guess that's about right. The W makes the State of the Union Address tonight. It's a big event on the political calender, and I couldn't care less. I can't really even say why. No joke, I'd rather be locked in a room listening to Whitesnake.

I don't think about these things really, sometimes they just pop into my head. My second choice for walk in song is Madonna's "Like a Virgin". I can't really even say why. No joke, after " . . . Revolving Doors", I'd rather be walking into a room to "Like a Virgin" I guess maybe it's 'cause she, "made me feel, yeah she made me feel, I've nothing to hide. Like a virgin, HEY!, touched for the very first time."

Marilyn Manson does a cover of the song that's downright pornographic and it's great, but it's not nearly as cool as Madonna's. "I'm gonna give her all my love girl. My fear is fading fast. Been savin' it all for her 'cause only love can last."

Thursday, January 18, 2007

WALK IN(frasound), WALK OUT

Topic: Sound

The first time I heard the idea of a "Walk Out Song" was at a bar in Brooklyn. A friend, "The Marco", heard "A Message To You Rudy" by The Specials. He got up and left. "That's my walkout song" he said. Ok, so that's it, when you're about ready to leave you pick a song, play it on the juke box and when it comes on, you walk out. It's unclear as to whether you look cooler when doing this- or if anyone even notices, but that's beside the point. It feels cool. Now the "Walk In" song, or "Entrance" song is completely new to me. I received an e-mail from a friend the other day announcing her husband's choice for "Best Entrance Song Ever". Billy's choice was "Robot Rock" by Daft Punk. He walked into a bar in Florida and it was playing. It struck a chord with him, so there it is. "Robot Rock, Best Entrance Song Ever" . . . according to Billy. He's yet to weigh in with his choice of "Walk Out Song". I'm sticking with "A Message to You Rudy".

I gave a little thought to my "Walk In Song", kicked around a few songs and finally settled on "Pulk-Pull Revolving Doors" It's from Radiohead's Amnesiac record. I'm still not sure whether it was my subconscious that drew me to a song about doors or not. This song has so much bass it could literally make you sick. . .and it has when they performed it live. It's a tricky one though, because it sounds terrible on a system without a good sub woofer.

In 1957, while working in the field of robotics,(curiously enough considering Billy's "Robot Rock") Dr. Vladimir Gavreau and his research team periodically experienced nausea. Medical researchers were called in and though they couldn't find anything in the lab, they began feeling nauseous as well. It was discovered that the symptoms occurred only when an exhaust fan was running. The fan's motor was creating a low intensity pitch of 7 cycles per minute, far below the range of the human ear. The sound generated by the motor vibrated in an adjacent concrete duct, which then behaved as a pipe in an organ. The building itself, with it's vast empty space, concrete walls and tall ceilings acted as an amplifier. Though the French government denied it, Dr. Gavreau abandoned his work on robotics and took up studying experimental infrasonic weaponry.

While working on a sound effect for a cartoon, Walt Disney and a few artists became very ill when the audio tape of a soldering iron was greatly slowed down and played through a theater sound system. The original 60 cycle tone was lowered to 12 cycles. The effect was sickening and left Disney and the crew nauseous for days.

In the very early stages of an earthquake, the grinding caused by the movement of tectonic plates creates a low frequency tone that is heard and felt by animals long before humans can detect it. This accounts for the erratic behavior of many animals in the moments preceding an earthquake. Coming from deep within the earth's crust the animals can't pinpoint the direction from which it comes. Therefore they scramble, terrified, in every direction.

Billy's "Robot Rock" has been tested and proven in the field to rock the house, whereas "Pulk-Pull Revolving Doors" might fail for lack of bass capacity, or just a plain flaw in design on my part. I'm sticking with it though. Hopefully it's, "YEAH! Grab the room. Listen to the bass go BOOM!!!" and not " . . .and boom goes the dynamite."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

First Bimonthly Update

Topic: Resolutions

Here's the first of my bimonthly resolution updates. Just in case you're interested.

• finish all the projects already started.
I've started work on this but there's still a good bit of work to be done.

• focus on one new project at a time then finish it before starting another.
Sticking with this one so far. Considering it requires me to do nothing as I haven't finished existing projects this should be easy. It's actually very tough because it requires the discipline to stick with older projects.

• heavily promote myself and the art.
Not done anything on this front yet. It's a tricky one.

• line up a gallery show for the fall.
Also tricky, I do have some leads I'm following up on though.

• finish at least 2 paintings a month.
The "finish existing projects" is holding this one up.

• improve diet.
It's somewhat improved, nothing to brag about though.

• exercise 5 times a week.
I have this one covered. After being injured most of last year this has been pretty easy.

• drop 30 lbs to go from a 27.9 bmi to 23.7, or 200 to 170 lbs.
Current weight is 197.

• start a career already.

• pay down debt.

• Assess retirement savings and adjust accordingly.

Ummmm, not doing so well on any of these, so far. Without getting into any details, I've actually made a step or two backward.

• More Sabbath . . . and LOUDER.
Of course! Are you kidding me?

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda.
Adventure, excitement, the Jedi craves not these things.

Over all I'm happy with my progress so far. I could be doing a lot better, but then again, I've never been too strong out of the gate. I'll post the next update on Saint Brigid's Day.(february 1st)

Non Sequitur: This weekend we dismantled Christmas. Some would say mid-January is late, but I don't listen to those people. That's not the point though. Every time I played with my trains Angus would come over and sit next to me and watch them. If I got up and left them running he'd stay there mesmerized. I knew he loved them but I didn't realize how much until I put them away. He sat and watched with a puzzled look as I put Christmas into boxes and brought them to the basement. He's been depressed for over a day now and won't leave his room. He'll get over it but I'm amazed. He's the bulldog who loves Christmas. Maybe I'll write a children's book about it.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Forgotten History

topic: war

The Bush administration led us into war under the pretext of defending ourselves against a terrorist and chemical/biological/nuclear weapons threat. Additionally they believed that by overthrowing a dictatorship and instituting a democratic government, democracy would florish throughout the middle east. Obviously none of that was true. None of it.

If we follow the logic behind the "democracy will spread throughout the middle east" premise, then it's logical to assume that the chaos occuring there will likewise spread. Thank you very much Mr. Bush. Thank you. President Jimmy (not James) Carter tirelessly negotiated a peace agreement between Isreal and Egypt that stands to this day. During these negotiiations Pres. Carter forgoed such White House formalities as the pardoning of a turkey on Thanksgiving Day, because he was too busy working on the treaty. Pres. Bush was so detatched from reality that not only did he have time to pardon a turkey but he also had time to make a Christmas video with his dog. The video raised quite a bit of money.

During tonight's Presidential speach, Pres. Bush admitted that too few troops were sent to occupy the territory taken in Iraq. This is an obvious and inexcusable mistake. Any student of ancient history learned that Alexander the Great's greatest accomplishment wasn't his military victories, but his ability to maintain control of the land he conqured. Before the age of 33 he controlled all the land from Macedonia to India. This at a time when the fastest means of transport was a horse. Now we can't control one tenth of that area in spite of our speed and strength. We can't do this because we didn't follow the example laid out by Alexander. Where he defeated armies incrimentally and built infrastcucture in his military's wake, we rolled through a country and held a photo op on an aircraft carrier declaring victory. "Shock and Awe!" "Let's Roll!" and "Mission Accomplished!". Remember?

Alexander knew in order to truely conqure a people, you must assimilate them into your culture. To achive this, a main component of his war strategy was to, in the aftermath of military victory, construct and staff both libraries and schools. His aim was not only military victory but to create a life for the conqured that was better than the one they had before. Is this what we've done in Iraq? Hardly. We can barely keep the lights on and the water running, let alone provide security. Libraries and schools are out of the question, a distant dream.

Now the plan is to inject more troops into Baghdad. Brilliant. That'll be like adding more grapes to a food fight.

Non Sequitur: Meanest hitter of the late 70s-early 80s, Jim Rice, #14 was left out of the Hall again.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Ancient Rome

topic: war

They'd never admit it, but the Bush administration sees a parallel between our current military actions in the middle east and the Crusades. They like to see themselves as righteous, Christian soldiers, wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross. The truth is it's not the Crusades but another equally disastrous historic event that the current struggle should be compared to, the fall of the Roman Empire.

Unlike our military action in Iraq, Al Quada has a clearly defined and easily understood objective. That objective is to spread the U.S. military as thin as possible, bleed our resources and make us look like aggressive imperialists on the world stage. Considering we're waging a war in Iraq, Afghanistan and now Somalia at a cost that is vastly greater than expected, I'd say they're doing a pretty good job.

The classic "Fall of Rome" image is that of Nero fiddling while Rome burned. In actuality there were a number of factors that led to it's fall. As it's empire grew, the Roman army became spread across a greater area. This increased military spending, taxes, which led to dissatisfaction with the government on the home front. (it also greatly benefited their defence contractors.) At the same time the Romans came under attack from barbarian hordes from the east, who waged war using nontraditional methods. The Roman army was the strongest in the world. Against a traditional force they were nearly invincible. Against the Huns, Goths, and Visigoths, who waged a type of guerrilla warfare, they were stymied and suffered a death of 1000 cuts.

So where do we stand in comparison? Military spread thin? check. Dissatisfaction with the government? check. Barbarian hordes from the east waging nontraditional warfare. a big check. The parallels are disturbing. What's even more disturbing is that the administration seems blissfully ignorant of it.

Non Sequitur: There's an unexplained rotten odor hanging over much of Manhattan. My guess is it's either George Steinbrenner or Donald Trump. My bet's on Steinbrenner.

Things I used to do.

topic: stupid things

I tore a hole in my least favorite pajamas tonight and I still can't bring myself to throw them out.

After a long lay off due to an injury, I returned to my job. I was given a promotion and a raise. Unfortunately, I was told my position no longer existed. I thought about this for a moment and decided it was a bit like a fart in the wind that nobody smells . . . only in reverse.

So I was rehired, then fired for stealing something that I didn't steal, then rehired when they realized I didn't steal it. After the rehiring I returned to work at the scene of the crime which did not not happen and was briefed on the details of the nonexistent crime.

What occurred next was a series of insults and property damage. Then I quit.

Non Sequitur: I used to go to industrial dance clubs. I used to do a lot of things.

Monday, January 8, 2007

Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!

Topic: similarities

A new Rocky movie was just released. I haven't seen it and despite what I've been told, I think it has to be absurd. The artistic or entertainment value of the movie is not my point. The premise is that Rocky, at 60, fights a 20 something. With the exception of maybe George Foreman (the boxer not the grill), no one age 60 is stepping into a ring with a pro boxer in his prime. Stallone hasn't stepped into a ring, at any age, even though next to Ali he's probably the most famous boxer in the world.

Bill O'Reilly settled a sexual harassment suit filed by to Andrea Mackris, who recorded the lascivious telephone conversations she had with O'Reilly.(the transcripts are really gross, especially when you consider it's O'Reilly) Despite his immorality he wrote "Culture Warrior" a book about morality and values.

When most think of the ultimate soldier, "Rambo" is the name that comes to mind. Rambo was played by Sylvester Stallone, who never served in the military. One of the loudest voices calling for war in Iraq was O'Reilly, who also never served.

You get my point. At least Stallone is entertaining. Sometimes.

Non Sequitur: Is it wrong that I care about the Baseball Hall of Fame, but couldn't care less about the Rock-n-roll Hall of Fame? This despite the fact that I care just about the same amount for baseball as rock-n-roll. Jim Rice better get voted into Cooperstown this year.

Friday, January 5, 2007

New Year's Resolutions

Topic: Resolutions

I figure if I post these online I'll be more likely to stick to them. I'm open to suggestions anyone might have. I'll post my progress monthly.

• finish all the projects already started.

• focus on one new project at a time then finish it before starting another.

• heavily promote myself and the art.

• line up a gallery show for the fall.

• finish at least 2 paintings a month.

• improve diet.

• exercise 5 times a week.

• drop 30 lbs to go from a 27.9 bmi to 23.7, or 200 to 170 lbs.

• start a career already.

• pay down debt.

• Assess retirement savings and adjust accordingly.

• More Sabbath . . . and LOUDER.

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007

It was incredible, we were blown away

Topic: Christmas

2006 can fuck off. We rocked it out big time New Year's Eve, dumping a few thousand dollars of someone else's money at a club called Pasha in Dupont Circle D.C. (thank you Peroni).

Unlike most of the year, Christmas was the best. Best, like one of those 4 year old kid waking up at dawn to see what Santa brought you Christmases. We got a surround sound home theater system for my Dad. I spent the day after Christmas drilling holes in the walls and ceiling. To run the wiring I crawled, in the attic, on my stomach, with fiberglass insulation in my face and roofing nails stabbing me in the back of my head. The thing sounds incredible. He was blown away. I got this thing called a "Jolly Ball" for Angus. It's this volleyball sized toy with a handle. When you throw it, it bounces unpredictably and he can grab the handle and bolt around like a nut with this big ball in his mouth. The thing is incredible. He was blown away.

I got a silver, super secret spy suitcase from Miki. It's a carry-on and it's the lightest suitcase in the world. I'm going to trick it out with a bullet proof kevlar liner and a holster for a 9 milli and an extra clip. The thing is incredible. I was blown away. I gave Miki an iPod, a pair of running shoes, some other stuff and a dollar store picture frame with 3 windows. I put a pic of one of us in each. It was ok to put in a stocking, I guess. She was blown away.

So, 2007 . . . When I make a list of goals for the year I'll type them up and post them. I already know one . . . even more Sabbath, even louder.