Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Anna Nicole McMuffin (or, What to do and what to eat following an employment rejection.)

Topic: I'm never really sure if you'll take what I'm saying the right way.

It's not going away, so let's just embrace it. They should take the corpse of Anna Nicole Smith, prop it up outside the Bellagio in Vegas and charge $100 to touch it. They'd make a fortune. I hope they do it, I'd go. It'll be great.

Tomorrow I'm going to McDonalds for that magical moment when you can get a Big Mac and there's still an Egg McMuffin sitting under the heat lamps. Lunch for me tomorrow, an Egg McMuffin INSIDE a Big Mac. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun wrapped around one egg, cheese, ham and an English muffin. It'll be great.

Wow! This just in, toxicology reports from Anna's autopsy AND the idea for a side sandwich of golden french fries on two hash browns. Brilliant! She's too old, 27 being the rock star death age, but she still died like a rock star, by a drug over dose. There's a diner in Scranton called "Chick's". The old cook there knew me and my order and would start it the minute he saw me. Scrambled egg in a chili cheeseburger, with a chili cheese french fry omlette. Genius! Best meal ever. It's a three ring, circus sideshow of a meal. I'll have the "P.T. Barnum" with a coke and a glass of ice water with lemon and a chocolate shake. I have to find a diner here in Baltimore that I can establish that kind of relationship with the cook. Then again, maybe I'm too old to make a habit of stumbling drunk into a diner at 3am.

In Pittsburgh there's a great hot dog place (it's WAAAAAY more than just a hot dog place, but that's another story.) French fries there have their own section. There are twin brothers named Aaron and Darren who work the fryers. (are you, you or are you your brother?) My cousin and I had a similar relationship with them. We'd walk in and get a nod as they dropped us a medium fry order double burnt. (medium is huge, picture a school lunch tray filled with fries)

Word of wisdom, tip everyone who makes you food. Everyone.

After lunch tomorrow I'm going golfing. I'll hit golf balls in the big field behind my house. The infields of the various ball fields that are scattered around will serve as the greens. There's a guy down the street from me who, no joke, has manicured his front lawn into a putting green. He has a pin with a flag and everything. I'll place the balls on the green 1 at a time roughly where they landed on the infield. I think I'll shoot 9 holes and kick back and have a few Arnold Palmers* with Jim, the owner of the 1-9th holes. I'll need to figure out the par for the course before I bring a foursome on the links for a game of "captain and mate". I sometimes think about installing a stereo in my golf bag, like Rodney, but that's unoriginal so I've never done it.

* Arnold Palmer= Sweet Tea, Pink Lemonade and Smirnoff over ice in a tall glass.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

¡hey! Sea Shell Grip they Bite Your Soles (or, the star of the County Down)

Once now never always. Stupid shut up now forget we have this fear. Now walk into the future backwards., over your shoulder you see the past pass by you. Pass you on the right now the left. Both now liar both now right then left liar, both now right and then now left. You tell lies now see lies always. You tell truth then you see truth. No lies pass you no past pass you only lies. Shake lies. Look left then right then left then right, no lies pass, no past lies down. Only behind you does the past lie down. Lies down like lies, past should be forgotten.


So now you are true.

Truth on this good Saint's Day. Truth, the man accepted then did escape slavery. Then He walked long miles, then sailed, then landed then came back to be a man. Became the great emancipator of His adopted people. Abolitionist like Moses. So true and saw no lies except for true lies. No left, no right. Lie down lies, lie down behind.

Near place you've seen to a place you've never been and from there up and the down the stairs. I know a girl so she and she smiled at me and so there I stood and smiled. I smiled at she and she smiled at me as I stood as she passed me by. She's a jewel in the grass, she's a jewel of a lass, and she smiled as she passed me by.

Now I'm out in the bay and the boat's in front of me, can I swim? No I'm sure I'll drown. So I swim, swim under the boat, take the broad route, then the narrow. The turn takes my air. So I'm turned, look up and see boat. The boat is there and I swim up. I hit the boat then turn left then hard down then turn down 'cause it's up and I want out and I want air. I want out. So once you turn left you see lies you turn right you see lies, you look up and you look down. You feel pain, this brings you sadness. You see beauty, you know you want to. Once, now always, now in you're hand you feel hope, so do I, or so I want to.

Now standing on the sea shells, and they grip and they bite your soles. On the sea shell you see clouds drift, you see blood then you see sky. The sky she kiss you brightly, brightly she make you smile. The sun she shines across you, she warms you body, she makes you fear. Yes your fear you use it wisely. Yes no fear it make you lazy. No fear it make you fear. Now once and future always, she once now and future near.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

¡hey! Swimming under a boat.

Topic: My thanks to Lewis & Clarke (though they know not what they've done)

It's good that you're the belle of my ball. All the choices you make lead to the next choice you'll make. I walk over your dress that lay there on the ground. Down beneath my feet it . . . well it won't find me growing old, getting old, learning to forget. Trying not to forget. Forgetting just the same. It's always just all the same.

Like when you reached for the honey in the hive. Like when you said the water on the ground was like the color of the sky, then looked at the sky and saw the puddle on the ground. When I looked at pictures from your past I thought I saw myself. No then I thought I saw my coat, hung over on a chair, not mine. It was just as though I waited there. Like before, when you reached for the honey in the hive. Was it Advent, or was it Lent? You cannot pretend You cannot act on faith, today. Don't stop now, it's not your choice, it's not your faith that will let you down. It was Lent and your faith had let you down. . . .again.

When the color of your sky, it hits the ground, there by my puddle in your sky it all makes sense. Like your dress that lay there on the ground, beneath my feet. Holidays and unpaid bills like water from a faucet in a glass, now Holy Ghost. No getting, now cannot forget, the waiting for no reaching for now faith. My secret wish to not reach for faith but for faith to reach for me. It all makes sense and I can't forget, like you can't show what made you reach for the honey in the hive.

That dress looked like an ugly island . . . floating on some bloody water that looked ugly too. Here's the secret wish I wanted never to be lived as all the colors began to drown in your great puddle in your sky. Can't it wait until the sun starts to fade away?

August orange but August crescent cool moon sunless. As the sun went down it scarcely drew a close to the day.

It's good that you're the belle of my ball.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

¡hey! (or, real american pizza is made with real american cheese. thank you very much wisconson.)

Topic: once rejected novella, returning as an online serial


Lost and Found Nursery Rhymes.

Listen up. I said LISTEN! So sad slip step, press help button. If you're reading this then you're really listening in your head. Can't you hear me? I know you can but if not I'll shout. I'll shout over the noise which is already in there. You're aware it's there, or else you're denying it, which is worse. Or, which is worse? If you prefer it in the form of a question. So like I said, I said,"HEY!"

Then he's on his way home with a dancer he's just met "Do it now she said", towards the wall. He'd try anything . . . twice, but this request (by request I mean demand) struck him as a little more than odd. Worse yet it was a bit of a bitter turn off. He bit back but complied nonetheless. To his surprise, shock even, it was good. So it was again ,strong, slow. "My God", he thought, "The quiet in my brain all alone is beautiful." It didn't last. It never does.

Hello reader. I haven't met you personally but I may as well address you personally seeing as if you stick around I'll be talking to you for a bit. That said, on with the story.

So I'mma chat my girl. Fucking-A-Right Batgirl! So right, not impressed. Man in three piece steps in, "Buy you ladies a drink? In the mood for a blah blah blah martini?" So later Tina and him walk to the car WAIT! You don't know about Tina. I'll tell you later.

"Most guys I go home with drive nicer cars than that!" she says. "Most guys you go home with won't---content deleted--- either." She gets in the car.


Kiss kiss no, yes kiss kiss, yes kiss no tell all this, kiss. He had to walk around wandering for 4 hours to find his car. Now I have a problem. I'm home and the lights won't turn on and I'm home and the lights won't turn. Ever been lost in your own home? Ever been lost in your own life? Wake up, break apart breakfast, come together to fall apart. It's my life to take or make. You'll make of it what you want. You will, you will because you can.

Ever loved someone so much it paralyzed you?

YES! HEY! YES! of course! Thank you. I've never felt more welcome. I've--------enough about me let's talk about you for awhile. "Yeah, I'm chatting you up. That much in the kitty? Well how much can you stand?"

MAybe. Systematized, god trusting, thrusting suburbanites. Sacrificial stepchild step up. Step down shock, rack stop, car jack, jack! Back up. Negativity abounds. A restlessness still unexpected, returns in turn and all throughout. Make me make believe and take this brother, may it serve you well. Misunderstanding all around. Overcome, expect, acceptance.

Whiskey soaked . .
Whiskey drained . . .
Whiskey driven, beer soaked rebellion trips over itself again.
Lying there and staring at the ceiling, waiting for a sleepy feeling. What counts? Who counts? Who counts what? Which is more important? Lost and crippled, automatic whiskey driven poetry, lost not crippled, moss tossed skyscraper honesty.

So. Confessional. I.

Third (so called) Bimonthly Update

Topic: Resolutions

• finish all the projects already started.
Struggling. It seems like the more time you have, the less you get done.

• focus on one new project at a time then finish it before starting another.
See above, then see below.

• heavily promote myself and the art.
Still trying to figure this one out.

• line up a gallery show for the fall.
Fogelsville4 is currently working on a short movie for a film fest in September.

• finish at least 2 paintings a month.
Just doesn't seem to be happening. I'm going to start to make it happen though.

• improve diet.
My diet, like coincidence, is either hit or miss.

• exercise 5 times a week.
Hasn't been a problem.

• drop 30 lbs to go from a 27.9 bmi to 23.7, or 200 to 170 lbs.
Current weight is 192. My overall strength is up about 12% though.

• start a career already.
Not yet.

• pay down debt.
Things are coming along.

• Assess retirement savings and adjust accordingly.
For now I've done all that I can. Except of course selling my Marvel comics to buy stock in Marvel Comics.

• Return to Dagobah and complete my Jedi training with Master Yoda.
“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

100 things about me (or, over 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.)

Topic: Online personal quiz type thing.

1. Despite my huge ego it's taken me over a week to write this list.

2. Miki and I designed our wedding rings.

3. I'm that guy who's wife is his best friend.

4. I once ate the same thing every day for 2 months. Frosted Flakes and a glass of oj for breakfast, grilled cheese, tomato soup and a coke for lunch. Two hot dogs, potato chips, a pickle and a coke for dinner.

5. GO SOX!

6. I wear a different cologne each season. Right now it's CK Be.

7. Just about the only music I've listened to for the past year is Sabbath. (Ozzy Sabbath, not Dio Sabbath)

8. I wear my Grandmother's wedding ring on a shoe lace around my neck.

9. My favorite shoes are Adidas Stan Smiths. Not the stupid shell toe Adidas, the classic Stan Smiths.

10. I've had extensive facial reconstructive surgery.

11. I think Picasso is the greatest artist ever. He's so good it makes me sick.

12. I think Armondo Moralas is the best artist alive.

13. I know that things are going wrong for me.

14. I love my bulldog Angus. Until I got him I never had a dog.

15. I want to be an archer. no wait, I want to be Robin Hood.

16. I've read "The Lord of the Flies" more times than I can count. Though my favorite is Moby Dick.

17. It's not the years it's the mileage.

18. The only time I gamble is on the Triple Crown. Then I'm really into it.

19. During baseball season I almost exclusively wear RED SOX jerseys, wearing the home jersey when they're home and away when they're away.

20. At least once a day, during basketball season I'll wear a PITT sweatshirt.

21. My all time favorite movies are, Cool Hand Luke, King Kong (original) Fight Club, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (original), Mad Max and Die Hard.

22. I don't like disorder, but it seems it's all I can create.

23. I wear my watch on the "wrong" wrist. I'm right handed and I wear my watch on my right wrist. I also ride skate and surf boards the "wrong" way.

24. 14 is the only number that counts.

25. I used to be a cyclist.

26. I used to be a runner.

27. I used to be a rock climber.

28. I used to be a lot of things.

29. Sometime soon I plan to get a Scion xb. It looks like my bulldog Angus. I'll call it the "Angimobile"

30. I don't have a negative body image, although I probably should.

31. I can carry on a conversation with my friend Aaron using only quotes from "Goodfellas".

32. I can carry on a conversation with my cousin Jimmy using only hand signals. Not sign language, just private hand signals.

33. When I was a kid I had trouble comprehending what people would say to me because I was too busy counting the number of silables in the words.

34. When I was in school it took 418 steps to get from my house to the school. As I grew older I had to take different routes to keep it at 418, because I could cover more ground with each step.

35. I have a Vespa scooter. I crashed it last fall and it landed on me so it wasn't badly damaged. I can't say the same for myself.

36. I'm in that small minority that has neither a tattoo nor likes country music.

37. "Supernaut" by Sabbath is my favorite song. It's play count on my iTunes is at 938.

38. I'm defiantly a mac guy, not a pc guy.

39. I think cats are really creepy.

40. I love Christmas and think about it every day.

41. My wife and I eat Big Macs on our McDonald's Christmas plates every year before we decorate our tree.

42. My favorite holidays are Christmas, a distant second being St. Patrick's Day, then Halloween.

43. I think nearly all mixed drinks are nonsense and most always avoid them.

44. It makes me mad that I can't take my bulldog everywhere with me.

45. I love egg creams, have both chocolate and vanilla Ubet syrup, but rarely make them. Except for right now. HA!

46. I'm forgetful, but I don't think I'm forgettable.

47. I think people who say "Knock on wood." are ridiculous.

48. I'll never understand the appeal of NFL football.

49. When I played baseball, during games I would hold cherry pits in my mouth and drink lemon juice from those lemon shaped squirt bottles. Usually about a bottle a game.

50. I like hanging out in bars but can't deal with smoke. I have asthma.

51. I can't wait for a statewide smoking ban.

52. I'm VERY good at falling down. I've had a lot of practice. I fell off the front step and twisted my ankle just after writing #51. I hit and rolled when most would've cracked their head on the sidewalk. Still hurts though.

53. I HATE cops.

54. My dream job is one where I can have Angus with me and play Sabbath at full volume.

55. I'm a painter, lately it's been mostly acrylic on canvas. My stuff is at the front of the ¡Arma Caliente! Movement.

56. I'm 36, getting gray hair and wrinkles and liking it.

57. My iTunes play count for the song "Supernaut" is now at 946.

58. I'm terrified of Komodo dragons. They're the most evil, vile, disgusting creatures ever. However, I love all other sorts of dragons, well, except for the Tatzelworm.

59. I haven't played a video game in almost 15 years.

60. My recent most used expression is "Fuckin'-a-right Batman/Batgirl."

61. The Democratic Party is a little too conservative for me, but I'm a member anyway.

62. I almost always wear sunglasses when outside, even when it's overcast. I guess I'm a little photosensitive.

63. I do graphic design, digital art and web design.

64. I've alienated more friends over the years than I've made.

65. I'm a far bigger loser than most people think. The cat's out of the bag on that one. I guess it serves me right for keeping a cat in a bag. I couldn't help it though, they're creepy.

66. I'm a complete son of a bitch when it comes to art.

67. I make up superhero characters for my friends.

68. My head is crowded with useless facts. Things such as the origins of common expressions, for example.

69. If I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be the Barnett Newman painting,"Station of the Cross # 14". It would take up my entire back.

70. I tried to be a painter, then I tried to be a writer, then I tried to be a musician. Now I'm trying to be a painter again. This time I'm sticking to it.

71. If I get hiccups, I can always cure them with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

72. I want to get one of those boardwalk photo booths for my house. I'll make everyone who comes over sit in it and get their picture taken.

73. My dad is my hero.

74. I think that hack Thomas Kincaide is the new Andy Warhol. I want to be the new Thomas Kincaide.

75. I quit using sarcasm, it's been very hard.

76. I think daylight savings time is absurd.

77. I'd love to be a surfer but I've never lived near the ocean.

78. I think I'll die in a shark attack. Actually, I'm sure I'll be killed by a shark, despite the fact that I don't live near the ocean.

79. I'm dyslexic.

80. I think horoscopes and astrological signs are about the stupidist things I've ever heard of.

81. I listen to way too much NPR.

82. I can't wait for baseball season.

83. I'd love to live in a tree house.

84. I've been to Europe twice. Germany, Switzerland, Belgium, France and Ireland.

85. I go to Fenway Park once a year.

86. I think I check my email too often.

87. My favorite foods are my grandmother's Christmas chocolate chip cookies and her meatballs, Nicolas's pizza, Big Macs, shepard's pie and my father's-in-law sushi.

88. I wish I spoke Spanish but so far have lacked the disciplne to learn.

89. I've only drunk 3 cups of coffee in my life.

90. Southern accents annoy me.

91. Beer over wine, any day.

92. I plan to make a garden with a waterfall in my yard this spring.

93. I love cool to cold overcast days and really hate it when it's hot.

94. I think everyone is at least a little bit racist, the good people recognize it and try not to be.

95. I'm full of contradictions, but I'm working on reconciling them.

96. I think Christian Conservatives and their imaginary friend in the sky should leave the rest of us alone.

97. If it's after 10am, I don't eat breakfast food. I think it's bizzare to want to.

98. I sometimes quote Kurt Cobain or Ozzy in conversation, but no one ever notices.

99. Cooking is one of my least favorite things.

100. I think my life moves in 7 year cycles. Someone else thinks that too, but I can't remember who. Is it you?

I think-no- I know I skipped 2 resolution updates. I meant to but I've made little progress so it's been pretty easy to put off. I'll post one tomorrow.

Monday, March 5, 2007


What I Ate for Lunch (or, what i wanted to anyway.)

I said,"I'm not eating that. I wanted a bacon, LOBSTER and tomato on white toast. Get this lettuce nonsense out of my sandwich."